Amazon Reviews - The Best & Funniest Lines
Vacuum Cleaners:
"Charged 24 hours before first use. have kept plugged in constantly. Worked 3 or 4 times, used for less than a minute each time. Now it immediately loses almost all power a second after switching on. It has the suction power of an asthmatic cat. Garbage."
"tough to pick up a dead ant"
"Household Occupants: A 2 yr old chocolate milk junkie, a 6 yr old food spilling champion and a senior chihuahua who doesn't always make it to her doggie pad."
Paper Shredders:
Chocolates:
OMG, this SAVED me from so many possible future arguments. You have NO idea. Word of advice to anyone with a girlfriend that is addicted to chocolate, don't let her run out!!! Just trust me on this, you'll thank me later. Get the chocolate in bulk. No, it won't make her fat. Yes, she'll love you even more for it. And you will be happy when she's happy because she will not turn into a demon spawn from hell to try and rip your soul out. Get. The. Chocolate.
Perfume:
As an unrefined, working class girl who isn't adverse to drinking boxed wine, never learned to walk gracefully in heels, would take a Ford over a BMW, prefers Egyptian musk scented oil to Chanel No5, and would choose hot wings over the most expertly prepared sushi, take my review with a grain of salt if you have expensive taste and actually care what other people consider fashionable: This scent is timeless and sexy. If you can erase from your mind the Ghosts of Guidos Past and their souped up Camaros, really bad techno music, freakishly rippling muscles, roid rages, gold chains, Z Cavaricci pants, and crunchy hair, then please resurrect this hypnotizing fragrance. You no longer have to be named Vito, Tony, Vinny, Paulie, or Joey to wear Drakkar. It works on Edward and Brian and James too. It's outdated and out of style and you'll probably be the butt of all jokes if you wear it around your friends, but I can almost guarantee that when you're alone with your special lady, you won't be sorry. It's an aphrodisiac ... clean, masculine, and just plain intoxicating. A little squirt of this manly ambrosia (LOL) on a strong, warm, slightly hairy chest and I can almost guarantee that MILF panties will be flying off. I won't let my man wear it unless I'm with him. I don't want to have to fight off an army of cackling Real Housewives of New Jersey wannabes.
Table Fan:
Will this fan work in the dark?
Will it work in the dark you ask?
Of course it does, it's up to the task.
It will work in the light.
It will work through the night.
Will it work in the rain?
No, you might die, you must refrain.
Will it work in the dry?
Of course it does, it will not lead you awry.
It will work in the light.
It will work in the night.
It will work in the dry.
It will work when you cry.
But to avoid much pain,
you must not ever, ever use it in the rain.
"Charged 24 hours before first use. have kept plugged in constantly. Worked 3 or 4 times, used for less than a minute each time. Now it immediately loses almost all power a second after switching on. It has the suction power of an asthmatic cat. Garbage."
"tough to pick up a dead ant"
"Household Occupants: A 2 yr old chocolate milk junkie, a 6 yr old food spilling champion and a senior chihuahua who doesn't always make it to her doggie pad."
Paper Shredders:
Call this Bob Marley cause it ALWAYS BE JAMMIN!
Chocolates:
OMG, this SAVED me from so many possible future arguments. You have NO idea. Word of advice to anyone with a girlfriend that is addicted to chocolate, don't let her run out!!! Just trust me on this, you'll thank me later. Get the chocolate in bulk. No, it won't make her fat. Yes, she'll love you even more for it. And you will be happy when she's happy because she will not turn into a demon spawn from hell to try and rip your soul out. Get. The. Chocolate.
Perfume:
As an unrefined, working class girl who isn't adverse to drinking boxed wine, never learned to walk gracefully in heels, would take a Ford over a BMW, prefers Egyptian musk scented oil to Chanel No5, and would choose hot wings over the most expertly prepared sushi, take my review with a grain of salt if you have expensive taste and actually care what other people consider fashionable: This scent is timeless and sexy. If you can erase from your mind the Ghosts of Guidos Past and their souped up Camaros, really bad techno music, freakishly rippling muscles, roid rages, gold chains, Z Cavaricci pants, and crunchy hair, then please resurrect this hypnotizing fragrance. You no longer have to be named Vito, Tony, Vinny, Paulie, or Joey to wear Drakkar. It works on Edward and Brian and James too. It's outdated and out of style and you'll probably be the butt of all jokes if you wear it around your friends, but I can almost guarantee that when you're alone with your special lady, you won't be sorry. It's an aphrodisiac ... clean, masculine, and just plain intoxicating. A little squirt of this manly ambrosia (LOL) on a strong, warm, slightly hairy chest and I can almost guarantee that MILF panties will be flying off. I won't let my man wear it unless I'm with him. I don't want to have to fight off an army of cackling Real Housewives of New Jersey wannabes.
Table Fan:
Will this fan work in the dark?
Will it work in the dark you ask?
Of course it does, it's up to the task.
It will work in the light.
It will work through the night.
Will it work in the rain?
No, you might die, you must refrain.
Will it work in the dry?
Of course it does, it will not lead you awry.
It will work in the light.
It will work in the night.
It will work in the dry.
It will work when you cry.
But to avoid much pain,
you must not ever, ever use it in the rain.
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